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Have you asked yourself, Why do I seek validation? Why do I care what people think? This can stem from a childhood of being raised to believe you were not enough and the only time you received attention that you longed for was when you did good deeds.
Personally, this is something I struggle with and work on daily. I remember as a child always seeking approval or attention, “look at me, look what I did”. The good deed gave me the attention I was seeking, but never lasted. This followed me into adulthood, where I continued to seek validation in an effort to feel important, worthy, and good enough.
Unfortunately, I allowed myself to be hindered because I was constantly seeking validation or permission. I was not allowing myself to truly be happy with myself. Nor figure out what it was that I wanted.
As unique individuals, we all have specific interests and what makes one person happy, might not be the same for the other. This is why asking people what they think can be detrimental to the success of you. They may not intend to influence your decision, but when they don’t agree with it, it puts a damper on the idea and may prevent you from ever doing it.
Speaking from experience! Not something I am happy to admit, especially because I see myself as an out of the box person, who does what she wants. It wasn’t until I started focusing on myself, that I realized how much I do allow others to influence me.
I HAD TO REMIND MYSELF THAT THE ANSWER IS WITHIN!
I knew what I wanted, but I felt like I needed validation from others, for all the wrong reasons. I did not realize at the time that these important questions were ones only I could answer.
The people giving the advice, opinions, feedback, input, are not doing it in a way that I believe is to prevent or derail what it is I wanted. It was just that their lens was different from mine. I needed to accept that we had different lenses and that was okay. Simply put, we are all different. Not one alike, and what drives me is completely different from what drives another.
With this realization, I have made more of an conscious effort to be aware of how it is I respond to the people in my life when they talk about their ideas, their dreams, their interests, as to not hinder what they feel deep down they should do.
I only needed encouragement, and sometimes direction, but because what I wanted was something they thought was out of the box for them, it hindered the action I would have taken, if I was otherwise supported.
So, I challenge you to ask the question “what makes me happy?” Don’t ask anyone else, allow yourself the opportunity to figure it out on your own, and discover who you are by digging deep.
Now you probably are wondering how to do this. Well first and foremost, allow yourself to take the time to be with yourself, with no distractions. When you do this you allow yourself to be heard. You start to feel what it is you need because you’re listening to your heart.
Who better to work on you, then yourself? This is not a quick process, it requires time and effort. If you are like me, you may not have the patience to work it out on your own. The solution is not to seek the validation from peers in trying something that makes you happy. Take time to listen to yourself, and allow the universe to set you up in a way that you can be successful.
It took me a long time to figure out that the only person who can really know what to do is me.
I tried things people suggested, even when I knew it was not what I truly wanted. It felt wrong and I knew I was going against my intuition. It wasn’t what I wanted or needed. I hit a roadblock and I felt lost. I began understanding the importance of giving myself the love and attention I needed, and focused on things that would make me happy.
Ironically, my intuition led to the art aisle in Wal-Mart, where I felt the desire to buy a sketchbook and pencils. I went home and for about a week it just sat there, self-doubt filling my head. Feeling like I needed the permission to do it because I felt I would not be good enough. It wasn’t until I was alone, listening to music, that I got the urge to do it.
It felt so good to draw, especially because I never told anyone what I was doing, it was for me. I had never practiced drawing or sketching, and I surprised myself because of how natural it came. Something about drawing just made me feel spiritually connected.
Explore and discover the person you want to be, try new things, and do not put limitations on yourself in a way to keep you from doing it. You will not know until you’ve tried it. Discover your inner self without seeking approval, validation, or permission by putting yourself out there.
I hope you accept the challenge, and discover your true self, and figure out how to be happy in life, how to be happy with yourself, and how to not care what people think about you. Lastly, know that you are creating a better version of yourself.